By Joannie Peters
Potty learning is a big part of the Montessori toddler curriculum. As a Montessori teacher, I worked with so many little individuals, aged 18-36 months, and quickly learned that there is no single formula guaranteed to work for every toddler. Rather than viewing potty training as a race to get a child out of diapers, I encouraged families to embrace it as a time to learn new skills at a pace suited to each individual child. Every family does potty learning a little differently--what’s important is that you and your child’s other caregivers are consistent in supporting your child toward bathroom independence.
Potty learning can start much earlier than when your family decides to move on from diapers! You can build foundational skills that help your child associate the need to eliminate with the desire to stay dry. With very young infants, you can teach the difference between wet and dry by stating simply, “Your diaper is wet. I’m going to change your diaper.” While cloth diapering is an ideal teaching tool to develop awareness of wet sensation (disposable diapers are so absorbent, your child may not feel the difference between wet and dry), most families use disposables out of convenience. Even with disposables you can still promote awareness by stating, “Your diaper is heavy/full and wet, I’m going to change your diaper.”
Help your child become familiar with the bathroom and the bathroom routines. For younger infants, the changing table can be set up in the bathroom instead of other areas of the home. You can also sportscast your way through a diaper change so your child is aware of what is being done to them. Beyond a language lesson, this also sets your child up for a more active experience. I was amazed when my own little guy at just over 6 months was able to follow simple instructions, such as “Put your legs up/down please.” When your child becomes more mobile, you can encourage collaboration by asking her to get a diaper or wipes. Some ideas for making the bathroom more accessible for your child:
Add a low shelf with your child’s toiletries and essentials, so she can brush teeth, comb hair, wipe nose/face.
Add a step stool for sink access. Demonstrate and practice handwashing!
A vertical mirror is helpful so your child can see how pants are pulled down/up, how to sit, and how to wipe. As early as when your child is able to stand, you can switch from using the changing table to a stand-up diaper change in front of the vertical mirror. Narrate your actions in real time as you change your child, so he/she can understand and see what is happening.
When you choose to introduce a potty, it makes sense to keep the potty in the bathroom. An alternative is to have a toilet insert and a stool, allowing access to the adult toilet (this eliminates another transition, from potty to toilet). If using a toilet insert and stool, it is important that the stool is of a height that enables your child’s feet to rest comfortably while seated, as this helps relax the pelvic muscles.
By controlling the environment and providing safe opportunities for your child to explore bathroom routines, your child will become more comfortable with daily self-care activities in the bathroom.
Modeling is another great way to create familiarity around bathroom routines, as well as to introduce potty training in general! If your toddler is anything like mine, they’ll follow you everywhere, especially the bathroom. Describe the steps throughout the process (pulling pants down, sitting on toilet, letting the pee come out, getting toilet paper, wiping, flushing, washing hands). When your child shows curiosity around toileting and openness to sitting on the potty (even if nothing happens), you can think about when might be an ideal time for the family to start the transition out of diapers. Timing is everything. Keep in mind that major changes like moving into a new house, going on vacation, having guests stay in your home, or the arrival of a new sibling can impact efforts - so it makes sense to start after home life settles into a more predictable routine.
When you are ready to commit to potty learning with your child, here are some tips to get you started.
Foster a positive association with toileting. Check that your expectations are not unreasonable; an inappropriate adult reaction can discourage your child from toilet learning. Avoid creating toilet fear, trauma, and power struggles. Instead, maintain a calm, neutral, and patient attitude. Simply acknowledge toilet learning attempts and avoid language that passes judgement. Decide what language you will use and stick with the facts: “You peed.” “Your pants are wet.” “Pee goes in the toilet.” “You are ready to wash your hands now.”
Invite your child to sit on the potty/toilet, but don’t force it. Instead of asking “Would you like to go potty?” try “Come with me, let’s go to the potty together.” Also, interrupting your child while they are engaged in an activity can create drama; instead, ask “Would you like to go to the potty now or in X minutes?”
Create a routine by going to the potty at the same time each day (i.e. upon waking, before leaving the house, after a meal, before nap/bedtime).
Acknowledge your child’s feelings and give them (limited) choices:
“You look upset. Are you frustrated because you don’t want to try the toilet?”
“Sometimes it’s hard to learn something new.”
“Do you want me to pull down your pants or would you like to try?”
“What underwear would you like to wear?”
When setting your child up for toileting success, consider clothing options that facilitate their independence. Belts, buckles, onesies, and other articles of clothing with complicated fastenings become unnecessary obstacles. Dresses and skirts can complicate the process as they often dip into the potty/toilet and get soiled. Prepare yourself for more laundry than usual; If possible, purchase extra training pants (underwear) and bed sheets so that your child has enough to last until the next load.
Use books as a way to talk to your child about potty learning! There are many fun books out there. One of my favorites is You Can Go to the Potty by William Sears because it introduces the basic steps of toilet learning in a natural, non-pressured way.
No matter when and how you decide to potty train, just remember that 1) there is no single formula guaranteed to work for every toddler and family, and 2) with consistency, one day your child will master the potty. Good luck!