By Clio Tilton
When we think of bringing a new baby into the family, it’s easy to focus on the transition from caring for one to caring for two and all the work that it entails for the parents. But it’s also a monumental change for the older sibling. Full disclosure - I’m expecting new baby’s arrival either around the time when this will be posted or after so I’ve been thinking a lot about how to manage this transition.
Preparing an older sibling for a new baby
Talk about it with your child when they show interest. Be perceptive of their emotions and interest level in this topic. Reading books about baby brother/sister can be a fun way to bring it up without forcing the issue. We’ve loved Hello In There by Jo Witek. Try looking at photos of your older child as a baby and talking about that time in their life. You can also discuss what babies need and how your older child can help.
Poll your parent friends - what helped ease their transition? Any special things to try? Lots of friends have recommended having the new baby “give” the older sibling a present when they meet for the first time. It’s also important to be thoughtful about that first meeting - try to have the baby in a bassinet so that you can be fully present for the older child. Remember, it’s a huge transition for the older child to go from getting your full attention to your partial attention.
Be patient
Often the older sibling is still very young, and they need your love and patience even when you're stretched thin caring for a newborn. It’s ok for him to be upset and for you to acknowledge, discuss, and welcome all the emotions that he has.
Settling in the with new baby
Teacher Mireille had so many brilliant ideas about how to ease some of the hardest parts of the day. Remember, this is a big deal; give your toddler ways to process this huge change. Giving your child a baby doll he can role-play with can be helpful, then he can practice caring for the doll as you’re caring for the newborn.
Nursing/ Feeding
Have a special basket of toys that your older child only gets to play with during feeding, when you can’t be as physically present with them.
As soon as you finish feeding the baby, try to hand them off so that you can have special one-on-one time with your older child. The more they see that they still get your undivided attention, even if it’s less often, the easier the transition will be.
Hopefully there are some resources and ideas here that are useful! It’s such a special time, but can also be difficult for siblings. Be patient and kind to your toddler/child as they process and adjust.